Secure on-board vitriol tinted brig / dungeon

This compartmentalized dungeon can be easily bolted onto the chassis of any ship. The interior is painted dodger blue. Want to know why? Because dodger blue is scientifically proven to be the most disgusting and demoralizing color known in the glaxy. You want prisoners in your brig to suffer as much as possible, so why not expose them to the color of true misery?

You know, if there were two space freighters with crippled engines helplessly hurtling toward a black hole, and you could only save one of them, and one of the space freighters had on board the only surviving members of a fierce army of angry sentient multi-cellular Arcturian influenza macro-viruses intent on colonizing the innards of every civilized life form in the galaxy and using their paralyzed corpses as food for their incubating viral larvae as they hatch ravenous and slavering into the world seeking immediately to shed innocent blood, sow misery and discord, and perpetuate their evil nihilistic mission of pillage, enslavement and destruction of everything that is good and holy in the universe – and on the OTHER space freighter was the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team, I swear to god I would save the nihilistic macro virus soldiers first. There is no scum in the known universe more hateful and fetid than that tacky bunch of no-class, trailer-trashy, inbred, clueless, amoral, ugly, fashion disaster, prissy, ass-clown, tossers festooned in the nastiest, stupidest shade of blue imaginable that they call the Los Angeles Dodgers. Have fun in the black hole you useless tarts!

Travelling "Preacherbot™" Ordained Ceremony Performing Rocket Robot

You can't "buy" this, but you can reserve its services, and it will fly across the galaxy to wherever you require the services of someone or something who can perform legal and religious ceremonies like weddings, baptisms, or confirmations. The thundering flaming rockets make an excellent pyrotechnic display to add drama to your service, and the awe inspiring deep booming (only slightly electronic) voice will shake your ribcage (or gelatinous matrix) and stir your spirit to do mighty great deeds. Pre-programmed for over 7,000 known galactic religions and secular belief systems.

Neutron Flushing Particle Beam Accelerator Turbine

These things break all the time, so you had best keep a few spares on board. Ours are more durable than the usual junk you get, and the neutrons you flush can help to clean out the minstrel's quarters too, all part of the drive for greater overall efficiency.

If it's broke, fix it! - Space Gimlet contraption

So your onboard space gimlet mixer doesn't work that well at all. In fact, you just about go broke and experience kidney failure whenever you try to use it while some jackass in the next star system gets rich and also files a frivolous lawsuit. do you get all indignant and quasi-religious in an ill-defined sort of way without even being sure why you're upset when someone proposes fixing it? No, of course not! In our local Zubenelgenubian dialect we have an expression for such people: We call them "stupid assholes." If it doesn't work, fix it, don't just loolygag around getting screwed by the status quo! Buy this expert Space Gimlet mixing contraption.

What? Don't read too much into our advertisement, we are only talking about Space Gimlet mixers. Not everything has some hidden subtext or metaphor in it.

Self Contained Colonial Biosphere Megacity

Let's say your intergalactic business travels take you to some god-forsaken, near-absolute-zero- freezing-cold, radioactive, abandoned rock floating in space that for reasons of your own you would like to have some employees stationed at. Well NOW you CAN! With our new biosphere colony megacity kit, you can station up to 5 million employee colonists on the planet or asteroid of your choice, and let them spread civilization and enlightenment to the far reaches of the universe in the process. Finding colonists these days is easy because most god forsaken, subzero freezing, radioactive rocks offer better healthcare systems than the home planet anyways. Our patented bio-engineered algae cultures are included, which were engineered based on the genes of health insurance industry executives that help them squeeze blood from a rock. Thus the slime cells needed very little tinkering to allow them to transform distant starlight and/or radiation into delicious, nutritious food and oxygen and even golf vacations and fiber for clothing.

Bunkers for Clunkers: Recycled Starfleet Maitenance docking bay

Imagine easing your space hotrod into this majestic, awe-inspiring, dizzying, soaring, spacious, spaceport where the likes of the SS Enterprise used to limp in for repairs. Comes with nice modern cargo cranes and nice bright lighting, and some modest dimensional compression so you can put it in your backpack and carry it around until you need it.

Overhand Wingnut Kerfleuffle Insert

This will align your kerfleuflle and integrate your wingnut platform.