Thursday, February 9, 2012

Perpetual Motion Debt Reduction Machine


Small minds are unable to grasp the cognitive dissonance and higher mathematics involved in perpetual motion. The feeble minded among us might argue that such a device is impossible. However, experts in modern physics and economics have shown rather conclusively that you can prop up a collapsing system and make it self sustaining. This model was recently used by the Fomalhaut regional council to meet budget shortfalls when the Piscis Commonwealth Central bank threatened to throw them out of the Galactic dinar common currency union. Here's how it works: you shove worthless I.O.U.s, debased digital currency, written off debts and other figments of your imagination into the input bin. Once the atomic structure and quantum spin of these fictitious units is re-aligned, you use them as collateral to borrow a freighterload of Galactic Dinars from the angry central bank, which are then fed into the incinerator unit and burned, which turns the turbines to power the generators to keep the machine working at converting more bad debts into collateral to borrow from the people who then buy your bonds which you burn to produce enough money to pay back the people who you borrowed from in the first place, your left pocket lends to your right pocket, which pays the left pocket back with proceeds from the revolving line of credit from the central bank, who buys the bonds that you had to issue to pay back the people who bought the bonds from you and are also your original creditors, and, paradoxically also your left pocket. (Hmm, it kind of reminds me of how my Aunt Reba is also my step-sister and my cousin, but that is another story). Give me one good reason why this can't just go on forever. That's right, you can't, because debt CAN be made to go away, if you just shut your eyes really hard and refuse to believe in it. No wonder intelligent design made ostriches so wise as to put their heads in the sand when something scary is near.