Social Networking Site

Although we are really, really serious merchants and technicians, we also are extremely "hip" and "with it", and we know all about the "cool" and "groovy" "lingo" that the kids these days are talking about. For example, we know that cool people these days are into "social networking", and we totally know what this type of thing is. Thus, check out our new social networking site. Somehow, using our network, you should be able to "socialize" with people while sitting all alone hunched over the fuse-like glow of your main computer console. You can "text" and "blog" with people you used to hate in high school, re-establish contact with former girlfriends/boyfriends/glogfriends/uxiberfriends so that your current romantic partner will probably begin asking awkward questions. Said former enemies and love interests can know what you are cooking for dinner, what book you just read, and whether or not you recently sneezed. And occasionally you can have a lot of fun by exercising very bad judgement and posting pictures, phrases, and opinions that will harm your future career. Whoever collects the most "friends" gets the most points and is therefore the most "far out" and "cool." Believe us when we give our expert opinion that this type of thing is truly "gnarly" and "awesome", and even "sick." Sick in the good way, we mean. We are "the excrement". Try to keep up with our cutting edge street slang.

Projectile guidance pipe w/ polymerized adhesive stripping

You may not know this, but a pipe can guide a small piece of metal in the general direction you want it to go if you make a small explosion in the other end of the pipe. Not quite as accurate or powerful as a laser weapon, but on the other hand, through some apparently massive oversight on the part of the galactic government, any idiot off the street can just go buy an explosive projectile guidance pipe and carry it around. Believe it or not! People consider it a basic right. In fact possessing one wins you virtuous brownie points in some religious systems. And while I'd hate to profit by selling potentially lethal explosive projectile guidance pipes to Gixrundian terrorists or mind juice cartels, or Vulcan invasion force scouts, or criminally insane robots, who am I to interfere with basic rights? All you have to do is bring 299 up-credits and pass a 10 milisecond background check. Also did you know that if the handle of your explosive projectile guidance pipe sort of falls off you can wrap it up with this nifty black polymerized adhesive stripping? Both functional and stylish.

Mega-Fuse

A plasma current run through Xenon gas kept at absolute zero degrees creates a sickening, flickering glow that gives anyone in the universe a headache, but it makes a great fuse.

Dimension Folding Guidepost Grid

As we all learn in the standard kindergarten curriculum introduced under the "no zwerpling left behind" initiative, each dimension is simply a folded iteration of the previous dimension. So in flatland, a two dimensional creature would see a three dimensional creature simply as an especially perplexing cross section that seems to appear and shift and morph in disturbing ways. Likewise, to those of you trapped in only 3 dimensions, you usually get accused of witchcraft or insanity when you notice some 4 dimensional (or higher) beings passing through our plane in ways you can only partially comprehend. In fact the ancient classical poet Vonnegut described three dimensional beings' ignorance of even the fourth dimension to those of us on a higher plane by saying they are like creatures strapped in a railroad car with a big harness on their face holding a big long pipe, so that all they can see is the tiny view of the world through the straight ahead pipe as the train rolls forward (whatever the heck a "train" is anyways). That is hard to imagine how limiting that would be, but that is the sad little world three dimensional life forms live in - they seem to think the past and the future are separate things, the poor souls. And even four dimensional beings are completely unable to comprehend alternate universes that are standard for beings accustumed to the higher dimensions. Anyways, with our revolutionary dimension folding grid, you can visit your friends who are trapped in four, three or even two dimensions. It can be kind of like a "staycation" in these tough economic times. Pop over to the 7th dimension for a while, see the sights, then come home. It comes with handy guideposts so you can find your way back without getting warped, squished, or driven insane as you fold and iterate yourself through the dimensions. Because that would be lousy if you got stuck in the 2nd dimension. For example your kidneys probably wouldn't even work if they had length and width but were completely without thickness? Likewise if you are only familiar with 4 or 5 dimensions, the 9th and 10th might really blow your mind to such an extent that...well, best not to think about such things.