Devious Stock Market Robots

Get a jump on the competition.  These state of the art trading robots wait until some sucker pushes the "buy" or "sell" button, then it goes back in time a few milliseconds, front runs the order, and pockets the difference.  Not only is this totally legal, it is endorsed by the galactic financial regulators, presumably as a special favor to the high frequency time travel algorithm robot lobby.

"Open the pod bay doors Hal..."

[bear with us for a second here, just want to test a marketing technique:  every time we use the words "weight loss" we generate 400% more interweb traffic.  lets see if it works this time!]

Charity Appeal: Like us on Tentaclebook and win a Thorax Dialysis Apparatus

We need your help - we are trying to get to 2 million "likes" on Tentaclebook.  This is to help the needy orthopods of the galaxy get the dialysis they need.  Not to put any pressure or guilt on you, but if we don't get to 2 million "likes" during this campaign, we are going to go ahead and disconnect a bunch of orthopods from their medical support systems, causing them to perish in writhing agony, so if you want that on your conscience, go ahead and fail to hit the "like" button.  If you are one of the "likers" you are automatically entered to win this gently used thorax dialysis machine.  The only creatures to be hooked up to it so far were pre-screened for plasma borne pathogens, and they took a bath before it even touched the interior of their thoracic cavity.  We cleaned the interface with windex too, so rest easy, it isn't that gross. 

Teen Heart-throb Robot

It is super cute and has a carefully cultivated "look" and eats at all the correct restaurants and uses every catchphrase and buzzword in exactly the right way. It is programmed using modern self referential circular logic techniques inherent in quantum mechanical theories to make itself famous just for being famous.  Occasionally it sings, but that is not the point, obviously.

Incidentally, what the zark is a "justin bieber" anyways?