Annual Report: Challenging Circumstances

With great pleasure it is 0ur honor to present for shareholder approval the audited results for fiscal year 9824-c BCE.

Chairman's statement: 9824-c was a very challenging year for the group. During this year we witnessed the vaporization of several substantial planets, the galactic financial incineration, a measurable increase in the universal gravitational force, and the public flogging of several galactic supreme councilors. Thus it is not especially surprising that the holding company of the holding company, which is incorporated in the Crab Nebula Alpha system to take advantage of their nebulous regulations and favorable tax system, reported a bottom line loss of 699 bazillion galactic dinars. While this result is somewhat disappointing, we are optomistic for the future. We believe we are well positioned to weather the storm and feel that a solid foundation has been laid for future growth. While most of this loss can be blamed on challenging economic conditions, we must acknowledge that the high profile bribery, corruption, ponzi-schemeing and incompetence trial allegedly involving our CEO, Mr. Moppo - which is still underway, may have damaged the brand slightly. Nevertheless, recognizing the need to retain our most talented staff, we are awarding Mr. Moppo a 698 bazillion dinar bonus. You have to show your executives you care about them, or else they will simply go get another job and someone else would reap the harvest of their skills, their synergies, and their integrated platforms, and their value added processes, and their, uh, paradigms. Thank you, and have a joyous and prosperous 9825-a!

Go Green! Handheld ecosystem stripminer

Join the "green revolution"! This handheld device, modified from a conventional inductive concussive phaser (new application from our 329G smartphaser app-store) can extract all the nutrients and minerals from any type of biotic life form or even an entire ecosystem. Extracted energy and matter can then be sold for a fat profit. It may take the area several eons to recover, (or if it is an individual life form the poor sonofabitch will never recover, heh) but nevertheless, we are going to market this item as "green" and "sustainable," because that is the trend in marketing just now and far be it from us to buck a successful trend.

Item# zzzzapfry: 32.99 smartphaser app-store credits.

Special Inaugural Edition Circuitboard module

We noticed things sell better if they are "inaugural edition" so viola, this is a special inaugural commemorative edition circuitboard.

Item# k0mPhy: 29.99 specially minted inaugural commemorative alloy coins.

Ride-on personal transportation Bipedal Robot

The genius who manufactures these can be found HERE, but our interpretation of our verbal contract dictates that we have the sole distributorship in the gamma sector... Very fuel efficient, and a fast runner!

Microwave death ray receiver / space pong paddle

We like to offer quality products that are versatile and have multiple uses. Take this long range microwave deathray broadcast receiver. There is no law that says you can't also use it as a paddle for heavy multi-player games of space pong. No law worth observing anyway. Ever since the galactic communications commission auctioned off the last remaining bandwidths in the ultra-shortwave-infrared harmonized spectrum, the communications band of choice among the wise is the death ray spectrum between 0.00012 quiggahertz and .00000000578 necrohertz. The GCC is offering coupons to help you purchase translator boxes so that you don't get vaporized while trying to watch your favorite CrabNebulan sitcom.

Item#sT00p1d : 3 GCC discount coupons.

Exoskeleton Android-compatible Spacewalk Suit

Next time you need to do a few repairs on the outside of your chariot, hop into a fully automated, multi-flex, androidized exoskeleton suit like this one. Invented by a certain "Dr. Octopus", it offers a full range of flexibility and all the modern conveniences like air conditioning, am/fm radio, ashtray, and power windows (we're not responsible for the results if you roll the windows down in deep space. This particular one is gently used. Previous owner may have slightly soiled themselves in it at one point, but the vague smell can surely be removed with some light baking soda and steaming. Out in deep spacepreferably. Far from Zubenelgenubi please.

Item# dR0ct0pu5: 50% off SALE! Only 129.99997 Waggle Slabs

Miniatron nanotechnology washer fluid compressor flywheel with surgical cutter attachment

From a model train display at an estate sale we picked up this rare and valuable flywheel compressor apparatus from the planet Miniatron. This will be TOTALLY useful for your windscreen washer fluid. Also the original surgical cutting arm attachment is still included in the set. Please note that these items are 5 centimeters tall, so they are probably most appropriate for life forms on that scale, or perhaps larger beings with especially dextrous appendages. Then again, the smallness of the surgical attachment is handy for bigger creatures, for precision incisions etc.

Item# litt3l 6itti: 79.97 microcredits.

Photon Torpedo Launch Tubes - pinpoint accuracy!

If you ever want to lob a couple of photon torpedoes or flaming death stingers or phaeo-nodo-nihilizing-zap-o-matic cruisers into a heavily populated, densely built up area - and yet (and this is the tricky bit) you want to limit innocent civilian casualties - this is the gizmo for you! Nail that one guy who pissed you off without vaporizing the school he is hiding behind! Blast that sleeper cell of clandestine smugglers into their constituent sub-atomic particles while the extended family of 12 in the apartment next door continue to watch the ether-tube in blissful ignorance of the carnage next door. Whatever your particular circumstances, this launch facility will save you all kinds of trouble with public relations and stains on your conscience.

Item# f1am1n d3Th: Non negotiable price = your soul. No foreign exchange equivalents, sorry.

Colors: Red, aquamarine, violet, camoflauge and "hello kitty".