Basic laws of general relativity (or is it special relativilty? Hell if I can ever remember!) state that the faster you go, the greater your actual mass becomes. You get tanking up toward the speed of light, your butt is suddenly quite, quite large and heavy. And on the other side of the coin, if you are morbidly obese in the tradition of the Lard Lords of Polyunsaturatartaros 19, your thunder thighs might actually stretch the fabric of space/time to such an extent that everything around you starts happening at near the speed of light, which can be annoying if you are like trying to watch TV or something. Thus, all it takes is a fairly simple mathematical operation - I am no math whiz, but I dabble a bit - to realize that if you slow things way down, the mass of your ass will decrease. Presto, blow off that deadline at work and slow things waaaaay down, and you also lose weight, effortlessly. We should state also that as you approach the speed of light time slows down, so as you slooooooooowly plod through life and shed pounds, your local time zone will also sort of accelerate relative to everyone else, but that is just the price you pay for six pack abs - or 17 pack abs, depending on your species. It could even be a bonus, like if you need payday to hurry up and arrive, or if you just can't wait to open your presents on Supernova Day morning, this weight loss system could make the big day arrive sooner.Saturday, July 24, 2010
Anterior Node Interlocking Transducer Weight-Loss System: m=e/c2
Basic laws of general relativity (or is it special relativilty? Hell if I can ever remember!) state that the faster you go, the greater your actual mass becomes. You get tanking up toward the speed of light, your butt is suddenly quite, quite large and heavy. And on the other side of the coin, if you are morbidly obese in the tradition of the Lard Lords of Polyunsaturatartaros 19, your thunder thighs might actually stretch the fabric of space/time to such an extent that everything around you starts happening at near the speed of light, which can be annoying if you are like trying to watch TV or something. Thus, all it takes is a fairly simple mathematical operation - I am no math whiz, but I dabble a bit - to realize that if you slow things way down, the mass of your ass will decrease. Presto, blow off that deadline at work and slow things waaaaay down, and you also lose weight, effortlessly. We should state also that as you approach the speed of light time slows down, so as you slooooooooowly plod through life and shed pounds, your local time zone will also sort of accelerate relative to everyone else, but that is just the price you pay for six pack abs - or 17 pack abs, depending on your species. It could even be a bonus, like if you need payday to hurry up and arrive, or if you just can't wait to open your presents on Supernova Day morning, this weight loss system could make the big day arrive sooner.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)