Bureaucratic Maze Voicemail Circuit

The best thing EVER is to fire all your living carbon based customer service employees (so evil! love it!) and replace them with a voicemail system. You save money, and avoid having to deal with complaints as your frustrated customers get hopelessly lost in the maze of deviously recursive voicemail circuitry options. Otherwise they might ask for their money back, god forbid! Plus it is super entertaining. Just listen along with me for a minute: "Hello. Your call is important to us. Please wait for 20 minutes while listening to some shitty music...." (listens for 20 minutes) "Hello. Our circuits still seem to be busy. Press one to configure your account. Press 2 for billing inquiries. Press 3 for service interruptions information. Press 4 for automated hyperspace technical support. Press 5 for sales department. Press 6 if you already forgot what pressing "2" does. Press 7 for Spanish. Press 8 for Zubenelgenubian. To hear these options again, press #. To go back to the main menu, press *. To hear some more shitty music, remain on the line." Oh my goodness I could just about weep and cry and wet myself with laughter listening to the customers weep and curse and throw things on the other end of the line as they become half aware that none of those options actually DO anything. You can see just by the physical construction of this circuit that it is well nigh impossible to get through the algorithm, we have programmed the best circular logic and paradoxical connundrums and recursive feedback loops into the structure.

Reliable Energy Source that is really really safe until it's not

How would you like a nearly unlimited source of energy that is totally safe (until it isn't)? Would you enjoy an energy source that is more reliable than some namby pamby stop and start hippy dippy "won't melt your internal organs" energy source? How about an energy source that is really really clean 99% of the time? The other one percent of the time it happens to be exceedingly filthy and noxious, but you have to like those odds. This is not a pie in the sky dream, this technology already exists! Our engineers and physicists have figured out how it works, and to understand how something works is almost the same thing as saying it is a good idea in practice. We simply harness the natural entropy of the universe within highly localized systems. Everything is constantly tending towards decay and breakdown of order, and by magnifying this tendency in a fully enclosed, pretty much impermeable system, we can generate limitless power with this patented power plant. Just as a sort of academic thought experiment, I guess we should point out that if the impregnable impermeable impenetrable force field around the closed system were to ever get permeated, penetrated and/or impregnated, the highly focused entropy field would cause you and everything around you to decay at an alarmingly rapid rate, triggering a horrid chain reaction across most of your solar system unleashing a horrific cascade of decomposition and simplification that would be akin to armageddon. But try not to think about it because what could go wrong?

Glyphs and Symbols: A sampling of the baffling urban informational scrawl of the galaxy

What in the name of Blurj can they all mean? Primitive pictograms used for shamanistic spiritual purposes, or sophisticated informational graphs??