Best Cocktail Blender of All Time!!! -- With Expert Endorsements!!!

Here it is, ladies, gentlemen, and Zgrups: The finest in a long line of fine cocktail blenders. And as you know we have offered quite a few. However we are willing to declare this the best one EVER. A complex series of circuits and sensors tests and monitors and adjusts the flow of mixers, testing the pH, toxicity, smoothness, tasteability, polysaccharide content, and overall awesomeness of each drink, and dispenses it into your receptacle of choice with or without a little umbrella, as you prefer. It comes with over 10 billion preprogrammed recipes for the best known cocktails of the galaxy, but feel free to invent your own drinks! We asked some of the galaxy's best known experts on cocktails to review this item - they all loved it! Here are some exerpts of what these experts had to say:

"Blimey, we've glugged our share of cocktails over the past couple of aeons, but the heavenly nectar from Moppo's Model A cocktail mixer made our hair stand on end in some kind of funny rooster hairdo!!"

--Ron and Rod, Corporate CEO's, Betelguese System.

"My apolgiesh, Mishter Moppo, itsh brilliant! Ash you know I like shaken, not shtirred, and your ingenioush blender cooked me up a doozie! I've been knocked for six!

-Jimmy. Intergalactic Gambler, man of mystery, and Alpha Centaurian Embassy Attache.

"Splendid. A tour de force. Quality item. I had one installed in my bathroom."

-Don, Plumber, Crab Nebula

"I always mix me up a good 'un from Moppo's blenderizer before I get behind the wheel, or make a major deciderism."
G.W., Hyperspace Starcruiser Pilot (volunteer corps), Forest Moon of Endor

"Moppo's super-blender is a brief, grisly, crow-black, star-stacked, alcoholic insult to the central nervous system and I adore it. Rage, rage, against anything less than the best!"

Dylan - Poet, Sirius 35

"Extremely well engineered! And may I just add how excellent customer service is at Crazy Moppo's emporium! Plus that Moppo is super handsome!"
Gerfffl.ux.BrUUk - supermodel, Andromeda 9

"If Moppo's drinks ain't killed me yet, nuffink bloody well will! I reckon my daily jug of Moppo mix is why I cannot be killed by conventional weapons. I feel like I'm bleedin' 22 years old, thanks to the Moppo Mixer!"

Keef - Doctor and paragon of healthy living, Earth.

"nnnnnn....ah....grum sup ack nay, and I fffl roy cram...um....that, we for....nen yuig....my wife sharon..I think...why? rup. nack. Where am I?"

Ozzy, Prince of Darkness, the wastelands of the 8th dimension

High speed rotating magnetic dissonance programmable brake-pad

DISCLAIMER: Don't put your neck near this when it is spinning!!!
A vital element of any ship's braking system is a proper magnetic dissonance discoid. When particles of matter and anti-matter spring into existence for a micro-nano-mili second and then obliterate eachother, sometimes you can make one of them remain in existence, creating paradoxical contradictions between quantum and classical physics, which cause tiny rips in the fabric of the universe creating conditions similar to those in a black hole, the gravitational pull of which will stop most moving objects on a dime, no matter how heavy, except for maybe the deputy director of our local department of deep-space vehicles, that uptight nazi lardass with his bureaucratic rules and regulations - but I digress. The programmable ones like this are the best. Some ancient models have mysterious grooves left by ancient civilizations. We found that if you put a small metal needle in these grooves while spinning the discoid at certain RPM's you hear bizarre noises and incantations, no doubt of religious significance to the primitive ancients.

Presto brand portable range finder defibrilator

Two in one: find out how far away something is and then defibrilate it, be it a overweight wump-oid with hypertension, a seminiphrious tentacle monster having a gelatinous matrix arrest, or a frozen turkey. Or lets say a deep-frozen chunk of pina colada mix that you're having trouble finding the range on? It is gently used, we admit that freely.

Nuclear Power plant core with compressed saturated gaseous storage

Don't open the lid until the spin cycle is finished! 36 kilo-rads are agitating in there! That's enough to send your ship across time and space at the speed of thought! Furthermore, the specially engineered bonus compressed saturated gaseous storage tank holds up to 450 metric tons of liquid helium, so you won't run out no matter how often you inhale it to make amusing high pitched voices!

Butler-Bot Supercharged Sentient Liquid dispenser

From the people that brought you Snakebot, Butlerbot features similar liquid dispensing capabilities, but in this case the liquid is supercharged, ultra-ionized, dimension bending, sentient, low calorie ooze fluid. This stuff is so valuable you probably won't want to dispense it at all, better to let it use butlerbot as its "shell" or body in which to walk around the ship giving orders, fixing things, arranging complex and deeply troubling hyperspace navigations. Ooze fluid sold seperately.

Suspended Animation Hive Cells

If you are planning a deep space inter-galactic colonization mission, you'll probably need to place most of your foul alien larval horde in suspended animation until you are ready to unleash them on whichever unsuspecting corner of the universe you plan to over run. These hibernation cells are specially engineered for conservation of heat and energy - in field tests larvae survived for up to 6.2 aeons. Just hope that while hibernating there arent any evil onboard computers that let the life support systems go idle.

Not a threat, a promise...

This is just a sampling of a what happens to various Aliens that don't make their payments. We are done with simple repo jobs. You fail to fulfill your obligations, you'll be joining these deadbeats in the Vyzgirgian desert

Gently Used Stop-cock Flapper Valve

Sure, it has flapped a few flaps in its lifetime. But it probably has a few more flaps left. Plus it is apparently useful for target practice and has a proven track record of stopping hurtling boulders and asteroids.

Spacious Flying Saucer Docking bay

Imagine easing your saucer into this lovely docking bay at the end of a hard day in hyperspace. Trust me, my experiences as a wise three headed, fuschia skinned Zubenelgenubian allow me to make better judgements than some shiny chartreuse robot. I don't think that makes me an anti-android racist or anything, I'm just sayin'.

Hydraulic Pronk-wave Inverter

As part of our new marketing strategy, you can see this item near the hyperspace flyby on-ramp. Nothing unplows your zipline overhand cam-cranks like a good inverted pronk.