Dear Shareholders:
What a difference a year can make! Two years ago we were living large and lighting our cigarillos with 600 dinar notes. We were throwing cash around like nobody's business. We waged a kind of successful war of choice on duct harpies, management received authrization from the shareholders to raise the debt ceiling by 467%, and we sponsored many philanthropic community outreach programs such as "Operation New Ferrari for Moppo." And who can forget the lavish parties we threw with frozen argon ice sculptures of naked classical dieties that peed high end space grog? In the past, shareholders may have noticed large entries under research and development in our financial statements, largely the result of hiring the smartest minds in the galaxy to develop the perfect space-pina-colada.
However, that was then and this is now. Now, we have changed our free spending ways and we have adopted a spartan, sanctimonious attitude of fiscal responsibility and restraint. True, the company is currently in receivership and being organized by a nerdy little dork lawyer type geek from Canopus who has never had any fun in his life, but that is kind of beside the point. Now that he is TEMPORARILY running the company, we have found it convenient to pretend that we were the wise, penny pinching, long sighted ones all along. For example: Mr. Nazi Bean Counter Dork-o proposes upgrading and renovating our databases and information management systems, which currently consist of a shoebox full of cocktail napkins with ball point pen scribbles on the backs of them. Oh really, Mr. Beancounter? WHERE IS THE MONEY GOING TO COME FROM??? Do you think new databases just grow on trees? Good gracious. Until sanity returns, I refuse to drink another Rigelian Quark Swirl on the rocks. Nothing but tea will pass my lips.
Press on, comrades, keep the faith! We shall return to filthy profitiability soon!
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