Hideously Awkward Bionic Shoulder Joint

You'll experience a strange, uncomfortable puffy feeling, and suffer an extraordinary decrease in freedom of movement, but other than that this bionic shoulder joint is great. Interfacing with on board cargo cranes allows the user to lift 700 times their body weight, and plus in terms of fashion, it is quite "in" to resemble robots from Earth Science fiction films of the 1950's, you know, for the retro factor etc.

Spare Lives

Be like a cat, and keep a couple of extra lives in your glove compartment. You never know when they might come in handy! When the gronk really hits the fan, you will have peace of mind knowing that you can cash in one of your spares, in the form of these mysterious, ghostly, frankly rather creepy, travel souls.

Item# 9: 100 kabillion bazillion makillion clams. What you think extra souls were going to be cheap?

Unexploded Ordnance

Handled with proper care, you can probably extract some really useful and valuable stuff from the inside of this. Sorry, U-pick-up, we cannot ship this item or even touch it on your behalf.

item# 600m600m: Fifty bucks, and signature on the waiver

Vintage Decider

The term "decider" has become so commonplace that we forget that the dull and thankless task of deciding used to be performed manually by people. Imagine, just like "computer" used to refer to a nerd with a slide rule, also in the dark ages actual people had to slave over decisions. Now a computer and a decider are totally different things, and just think about how many hours of time, how many terrible hassles, how many tears of frustration have been saved by the mechanization of these boring boring jobs. Here is a fairly early decider, one of the first models in fact, but it is very solid and they don't make them like this anymore. Nothing flimsy here, no holographic or molded-gas components, actual metal construction! Sure, it takes a little longer to perform difficult decisions than the modern ones do, but that's why the price is so outrageous!

Item# 386kb: we'll make the decision easy for you - only 79 Alto-cubits!

Mystic Biscuit Mathematical Starchart Template

As we all know, all things are connected, and thus the small can be discerned by observing the big, and the big can be known in intimate detail by extrapolating from the small. This may sound like gibberish to less advanced civilizations, but hurtling through the cosmos at warp 17 with only a cracker sculpture (or some other apparently semi-random pattern) to guide you is the latest big thing in supermathematical conk-space navigation, as well as philosophical enlightenment -- try it and you'll see.

Incendiary Backup Minstrel's Quarters / Cocktail Blender

Flooded with space minstrels to such an extent that your main treatment plants are backing up? Allocate a couple of them to the outhouse! This destroilet incinerates all organic wastes (and the occasional minstrel if you so desire) and in a pinch can be fired at enemy Galactic Revenue Service frigates as a huge methane bomb. I almost hesitate to point out the amazingly diverse uses of all the items in our catalog, but this incendiary device also blends up a mean margarita, for those of you who don't mind a bit of methane flavor in your drinks, i.e. pirates and GRS enforcement officers.

Item# sT1nK60m6-77: 199.99 Quag-marks

Do-it-yourself Galactic Revenue Service Emasculator

If you find yourself out in deep space during tax season, you might miss the home comforts of a good old fashioned in-person emasculation from a trained Galactic Revenue Service representative. But now, with this prepaid portable emasculator, you can flay your own flesh, suck your own life forces, and crush your own dreams without the need for a tax collector to be physically present. Just like those pre-paid postage meters you can get from the galactic post service! Keep out of reach of children, obviously. Best not to use after having your annual post filing stiff drink, as alcohol can impair your reaction times.

Item# FU - 85% of your annual income, less a few hideously complex credits, rebates, and time consuming deductions that only a PhD can figure out.

Light Bending Cloaking Device

This item is difficult to display, because by its nature it is difficult to see. It will bend light in a detour right around your ship, (or your body), so nobody can see you at all. When used in conjunction with an infrared radar detector and an x-ray scrambling device, the cops will never see you blowing by them at 15 angstroms per hour over the limit, (though we would never endorse such behavior). Nor will the gangs of space bandits that have been multiplying in the wake of the galactic economic meltdown be able to see you. We got a consignment from the "predator" planets at a foreclosure sale, they are very gently used.

Item# 12 : 20 clams each.