Invincible Philosophy Processing Plant

There are only two certain things in this universe: Death and fruity cocktails with an umbrella in them. Also, that the galactic revenue service will come knocking on your door ready to take your hopes and process them into dilithium noodles via a complex process of loopholes and bureaucracy. You can put on as many crazy costumes as you want and rant and rave about how the galactic constitution actually says you should be able to do whatever the hell you want, but the galactic revenue service is unfortunately invincible. Therefore, you might as well have a fruity cocktail with an umbrella in it. But you can process your incoherent philosophies in as tasteful a manner possible. Rubbish goes in, and tasty frosty drinks with an umbrella in them come out.

If you would like to order this item, please refer to publication #256a, then look up your trousers size in our handy reference section, then divide your inseam length by 6,348 or the total from line 62, whichever is less. Then, add lines 101 through 621, and 625 through 724, and enter the result on page 17 line "W". Please note however if your birthday is in a month that starts with "Q" then go straight to section 8. If you qualify for a galactic stimulus exempted occupational hazard loan, fill in schedule X and erase what you just put on line W of section 17. Then switch page 17 with page 23 just for kicks, and add sales tax for your star system, plus ten galactic dinars shipping and handling, and factor in any crazy moppo coupons you clipped from our promotion in last month's edition of "Space Hot Rods" magazine.

Di-Lithium Masticator fuel injection system

Ultra-modern and in really good condition. There are n-to-the-seventh-power different combinations of gear ratios to fine tune the torque and energy delivered to the actual masticators. We haven't tried yet, but probably such flexibility would come in super handy in the manufacture of recreational beverages...oh, never mind. Forget it.

Vintage Decider

The term "decider" has become so commonplace that we forget that the dull and thankless task of deciding used to be performed manually by people. Imagine, just like "computer" used to refer to a nerd with a slide rule, also in the dark ages actual people had to slave over decisions. Now a computer and a decider are totally different things, and just think about how many hours of time, how many terrible hassles, how many tears of frustration have been saved by the mechanization of these boring boring jobs. Here is a fairly early decider, one of the first models in fact, but it is very solid and they don't make them like this anymore. Nothing flimsy here, no holographic or molded-gas components, actual metal construction! Sure, it takes a little longer to perform difficult decisions than the modern ones do, but that's why the price is so outrageous!

Item# 386kb: we'll make the decision easy for you - only 79 Alto-cubits!