Vintage Decider

The term "decider" has become so commonplace that we forget that the dull and thankless task of deciding used to be performed manually by people. Imagine, just like "computer" used to refer to a nerd with a slide rule, also in the dark ages actual people had to slave over decisions. Now a computer and a decider are totally different things, and just think about how many hours of time, how many terrible hassles, how many tears of frustration have been saved by the mechanization of these boring boring jobs. Here is a fairly early decider, one of the first models in fact, but it is very solid and they don't make them like this anymore. Nothing flimsy here, no holographic or molded-gas components, actual metal construction! Sure, it takes a little longer to perform difficult decisions than the modern ones do, but that's why the price is so outrageous!

Item# 386kb: we'll make the decision easy for you - only 79 Alto-cubits!

Mystic Biscuit Mathematical Starchart Template

As we all know, all things are connected, and thus the small can be discerned by observing the big, and the big can be known in intimate detail by extrapolating from the small. This may sound like gibberish to less advanced civilizations, but hurtling through the cosmos at warp 17 with only a cracker sculpture (or some other apparently semi-random pattern) to guide you is the latest big thing in supermathematical conk-space navigation, as well as philosophical enlightenment -- try it and you'll see.

Medical Billing Supercomputer

We have finally found a supercomputer nearly capable of handling the hideous complexities of medical billing. Most modern computers can calculate the trajectory of every meteor in a storm of 6 million meteors, figure all the possible outcomes for each atom in a supernova, and process every ether-space phone bill in the entire universe, or even successfully file tax returns for politicians...yet the sheer mathematical paradoxes, intrinsic irrationalities, and dimensional warping involved in medical billing have up until now been too much for even the most muscular quantum supercomputers. True, if galacto-medicaid is involved, or if you try to invoke COBRA benefits, this machine will get bogged down and confused, and might start shooting jets of steam off in all directions, and continue mailing threatening bills with a zero balance to clients for the next 60 years. Nevertheless, the device performs functions that previously required 50,000 medical billing professionals.

See more photos of the supercomputer in action here.

Item #12b: We will bill you an usnpecified amount later, based on a ridiculously complex algorithm.