Teen Heart-throb Robot

It is super cute and has a carefully cultivated "look" and eats at all the correct restaurants and uses every catchphrase and buzzword in exactly the right way. It is programmed using modern self referential circular logic techniques inherent in quantum mechanical theories to make itself famous just for being famous.  Occasionally it sings, but that is not the point, obviously.

Incidentally, what the zark is a "justin bieber" anyways?

Invincible Philosophy Processing Plant

There are only two certain things in this universe: Death and fruity cocktails with an umbrella in them. Also, that the galactic revenue service will come knocking on your door ready to take your hopes and process them into dilithium noodles via a complex process of loopholes and bureaucracy. You can put on as many crazy costumes as you want and rant and rave about how the galactic constitution actually says you should be able to do whatever the hell you want, but the galactic revenue service is unfortunately invincible. Therefore, you might as well have a fruity cocktail with an umbrella in it. But you can process your incoherent philosophies in as tasteful a manner possible. Rubbish goes in, and tasty frosty drinks with an umbrella in them come out.

If you would like to order this item, please refer to publication #256a, then look up your trousers size in our handy reference section, then divide your inseam length by 6,348 or the total from line 62, whichever is less. Then, add lines 101 through 621, and 625 through 724, and enter the result on page 17 line "W". Please note however if your birthday is in a month that starts with "Q" then go straight to section 8. If you qualify for a galactic stimulus exempted occupational hazard loan, fill in schedule X and erase what you just put on line W of section 17. Then switch page 17 with page 23 just for kicks, and add sales tax for your star system, plus ten galactic dinars shipping and handling, and factor in any crazy moppo coupons you clipped from our promotion in last month's edition of "Space Hot Rods" magazine.

Annual Report: Challenging Circumstances

With great pleasure it is 0ur honor to present for shareholder approval the audited results for fiscal year 9824-c BCE.

Chairman's statement: 9824-c was a very challenging year for the group. During this year we witnessed the vaporization of several substantial planets, the galactic financial incineration, a measurable increase in the universal gravitational force, and the public flogging of several galactic supreme councilors. Thus it is not especially surprising that the holding company of the holding company, which is incorporated in the Crab Nebula Alpha system to take advantage of their nebulous regulations and favorable tax system, reported a bottom line loss of 699 bazillion galactic dinars. While this result is somewhat disappointing, we are optomistic for the future. We believe we are well positioned to weather the storm and feel that a solid foundation has been laid for future growth. While most of this loss can be blamed on challenging economic conditions, we must acknowledge that the high profile bribery, corruption, ponzi-schemeing and incompetence trial allegedly involving our CEO, Mr. Moppo - which is still underway, may have damaged the brand slightly. Nevertheless, recognizing the need to retain our most talented staff, we are awarding Mr. Moppo a 698 bazillion dinar bonus. You have to show your executives you care about them, or else they will simply go get another job and someone else would reap the harvest of their skills, their synergies, and their integrated platforms, and their value added processes, and their, uh, paradigms. Thank you, and have a joyous and prosperous 9825-a!