eAlienMingle.com - Meet Hot Alien Babes today!

Sometimes the odds of finding your soulmate in this vast, frigid, limitless galaxy can seem infinitely small.  That's because, frankly, they are.  This galaxy is absolutely ginormous, you could travel light years and parsecs in any direction and never even encounter an inhabitable planet, let alone multicellular life forms, and even if you find that, what are the chances of finding single aliens, let alone with anatomy even remotely compatible with your own, let alone one without a deep space freighter full of emotional baggage and hangups, let alone one that shares your interests!  And as I know from personal experience even if you somehow manage to fulfill all those unlikely criteria, often it doesn't work out due to "childish self involvement" or "fear of commitment" or "restraining order" or "leaving the space-toilet seat up" etc. etc. That's why we have co-founded eAlienMingle.com, to help you find that special someone!

First off:  Meet Praktoot Mifflewonk., astrophysicist, ballet dancer, interstellar explorer, and acclaimed chef.  She enjoys long walks on the beach, slicing robots in half with a sword of pure plasma, and levitating shit around the room using nothing but her twin tentacle brains!  If you enjoy some of the same stuff, log on today and fill out our simple introductory questionnaire (and give us some cash), so we can match you up with hot alien babes / dudes today!

Teen Heart-throb Robot

It is super cute and has a carefully cultivated "look" and eats at all the correct restaurants and uses every catchphrase and buzzword in exactly the right way. It is programmed using modern self referential circular logic techniques inherent in quantum mechanical theories to make itself famous just for being famous.  Occasionally it sings, but that is not the point, obviously.

Incidentally, what the zark is a "justin bieber" anyways?

Do-it-yourself Galactic Revenue Service Emasculator

If you find yourself out in deep space during tax season, you might miss the home comforts of a good old fashioned in-person emasculation from a trained Galactic Revenue Service representative. But now, with this prepaid portable emasculator, you can flay your own flesh, suck your own life forces, and crush your own dreams without the need for a tax collector to be physically present. Just like those pre-paid postage meters you can get from the galactic post service! Keep out of reach of children, obviously. Best not to use after having your annual post filing stiff drink, as alcohol can impair your reaction times.

Item# FU - 85% of your annual income, less a few hideously complex credits, rebates, and time consuming deductions that only a PhD can figure out.