How would you like a nearly unlimited source of energy that is totally safe (until it isn't)? Would you enjoy an energy source that is more reliable than some namby pamby stop and start hippy dippy "won't melt your internal organs" energy source? How about an energy source that is really really clean 99% of the time? The other one percent of the time it happens to be exceedingly filthy and noxious, but you have to like those odds. This is not a pie in the sky dream, this technology already exists! Our engineers and physicists have figured out how it works, and to understand how something works is almost the same thing as saying it is a good idea in practice. We simply harness the natural entropy of the universe within highly localized systems. Everything is constantly tending towards decay and breakdown of order, and by magnifying this tendency in a fully enclosed, pretty much impermeable system, we can generate limitless power with this patented power plant. Just as a sort of academic thought experiment, I guess we should point out that if the impregnable impermeable impenetrable force field around the closed system were to ever get permeated, penetrated and/or impregnated, the highly focused entropy field would cause you and everything around you to decay at an alarmingly rapid rate, triggering a horrid chain reaction across most of your solar system unleashing a horrific cascade of decomposition and simplification that would be akin to armageddon. But try not to think about it because what could go wrong?
This will compress the abstracted energy, information, and matter that emerges as a by-product of the irrational activities and violations of physical reality intrinsic in modern deep space navigation, which can be quite hazardous as they result in emissions of sizzling groupons. You must compress these abstractions according to Galactic Department of Hygeine code section 298w.01.75a, and keep a logbook of each compression.
Basic laws of general relativity (or is it special relativilty? Hell if I can ever remember!) state that the faster you go, the greater your actual mass becomes. You get tanking up toward the speed of light, your butt is suddenly quite, quite large and heavy. And on the other side of the coin, if you are morbidly obese in the tradition of the Lard Lords of Polyunsaturatartaros 19, your thunder thighs might actually stretch the fabric of space/time to such an extent that everything around you starts happening at near the speed of light, which can be annoying if you are like trying to watch TV or something. Thus, all it takes is a fairly simple mathematical operation - I am no math whiz, but I dabble a bit - to realize that if you slow things way down, the mass of your ass will decrease. Presto, blow off that deadline at work and slow things waaaaay down, and you also lose weight, effortlessly. We should state also that as you approach the speed of light time slows down, so as you slooooooooowly plod through life and shed pounds, your local time zone will also sort of accelerate relative to everyone else, but that is just the price you pay for six pack abs - or 17 pack abs, depending on your species. It could even be a bonus, like if you need payday to hurry up and arrive, or if you just can't wait to open your presents on Supernova Day morning, this weight loss system could make the big day arrive sooner.
Hey, what is the deal with all these duct harpies these days??? Is it me, or has their population exploded to epidemic proportions? In at least 2 of my own personal craft I have noticed these little bastards scurrying and fluttering all over the place, despite the fact I keep a notoriously clean ship. Not only are these vermin unhygenic, they can cause major problems if they start gnawing on the plutonium suction conduits. So say goodbye to duct harpies with Moppo's own special formula CERTIFIED ORGANIC duct harpy poison (trademark). Your conscience will be a little bit clearer knowing that all the substances causing the cellular lipid membranes to lyse in all the internal organs of the pests and block all the metabolic pathways necessary for neurons to fire and permanently alter their genetic structure to cause expression of proteins rendering all duct harpies in the vicinity sterile were sustainably produced in accordance to organic principles. Peace of mind - one more thing we provide here at Crazy Moppo's.
long cruises. Instead of old fashioned physical solvent based cleansing, bathe yourself in the cool, gentle, sonic vibrations of this grooming device. Installs easily on any interior bulkhead of your craft with a proton welding robot or a phillips head screwdriver. Never smell like space carion again! Never again will you need to endure the Hoth hyper exema!
Item# PU-UR-r1p3: 16 Tattooine barter chips
