Showing posts with label desperation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label desperation. Show all posts

Sunday, January 4, 2015

eAlienMingle.com - Meet Hot Alien Babes today!

Sometimes the odds of finding your soulmate in this vast, frigid, limitless galaxy can seem infinitely small.  That's because, frankly, they are.  This galaxy is absolutely ginormous, you could travel light years and parsecs in any direction and never even encounter an inhabitable planet, let alone multicellular life forms, and even if you find that, what are the chances of finding single aliens, let alone with anatomy even remotely compatible with your own, let alone one without a deep space freighter full of emotional baggage and hangups, let alone one that shares your interests!  And as I know from personal experience even if you somehow manage to fulfill all those unlikely criteria, often it doesn't work out due to "childish self involvement" or "fear of commitment" or "restraining order" or "leaving the space-toilet seat up" etc. etc. That's why we have co-founded eAlienMingle.com, to help you find that special someone!

First off:  Meet Praktoot Mifflewonk., astrophysicist, ballet dancer, interstellar explorer, and acclaimed chef.  She enjoys long walks on the beach, slicing robots in half with a sword of pure plasma, and levitating shit around the room using nothing but her twin tentacle brains!  If you enjoy some of the same stuff, log on today and fill out our simple introductory questionnaire (and give us some cash), so we can match you up with hot alien babes / dudes today!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Personal Vaporizer, reconstitutor - PLEASE BUY STUFF, COME ON!!

Give the gift that keeps on giving this season, - the gift of scattering the molecules of your loved ones, and reassembling them at a place of your choice according to microwaved etherspace instructions. With the fantastic vaporizer / reconstitutor / teleporter you can beat the holiday rush and teleport yourself to your destination ASAP, or if you are suffering from the space crud, you can simply reassemble yourself SANS crud! Please, people, this is getting ridiculous, BUY SOMETHING for Pete's sake, you are killing us!! How can the intergalactic economy ever get back on track if you don't freaking buy stuff????

Item# FFS 6yme : CRAZY DEAL - 49.95 Volts.