Shield System - Positron ray and Gravitron ray Resistant!

We have personally field tested this shield material (by personally, we mean our office intern, Justin, has personally tested it...) and we (Justin) found it to be totally resistant to positron beams, 80% resistant to stray gravitron radiation, and slightly impervious to random neutrinos, but that's pretty good considering neutrinos go through lead like it is wet tissue paper. Which is good, because if you get a bunch of anti-matter hurtling at you it makes a pretty big explosion if it touches any of the electrons involved in your ship's hull or, god forbid, your family jewels!

Do-it-yourself Galactic Revenue Service Emasculator

If you find yourself out in deep space during tax season, you might miss the home comforts of a good old fashioned in-person emasculation from a trained Galactic Revenue Service representative. But now, with this prepaid portable emasculator, you can flay your own flesh, suck your own life forces, and crush your own dreams without the need for a tax collector to be physically present. Just like those pre-paid postage meters you can get from the galactic post service! Keep out of reach of children, obviously. Best not to use after having your annual post filing stiff drink, as alcohol can impair your reaction times.

Item# FU - 85% of your annual income, less a few hideously complex credits, rebates, and time consuming deductions that only a PhD can figure out.