Informational Channelling Conduit Tube to the Subconscious

The whole universe is made up of three components: Matter, energy, and information. Matter and energy are kind of boring if you ask me, the information is where it is at. Once you go in the tunnel that disconnects your sensory experience from the shackles of matter, all kinds of cool things happen. Ironically, you can also warp and manipulate matter through the clever utilization of information. For instance, the last time I re-channelled the master information flow, I descended below the surface of "normal" experience, and became someone else for a while. Dressed in the Denebian stockbroker's traditional garb complete with neck choker, I cruised along the sub-information tubes while reading the Daily Torpidgraph, and blended right in. When I resurfaced from the complex matrix of bent information - information split like a prism splits light into many colors - I was in fact in a totally new physical location, as if I had travelled physically through and under matter and the material world. And I was still in disguise. Informational manipulation makes almost anything possible. Usually the information is pre-set in our subconscious, you just need a tube to retrieve it and re-direct its flow. Warning: Some people find descending into the subconscious and the flowing information under the surface extremely unpleasant. Use Caution!

Dimension Folding Guidepost Grid

As we all learn in the standard kindergarten curriculum introduced under the "no zwerpling left behind" initiative, each dimension is simply a folded iteration of the previous dimension. So in flatland, a two dimensional creature would see a three dimensional creature simply as an especially perplexing cross section that seems to appear and shift and morph in disturbing ways. Likewise, to those of you trapped in only 3 dimensions, you usually get accused of witchcraft or insanity when you notice some 4 dimensional (or higher) beings passing through our plane in ways you can only partially comprehend. In fact the ancient classical poet Vonnegut described three dimensional beings' ignorance of even the fourth dimension to those of us on a higher plane by saying they are like creatures strapped in a railroad car with a big harness on their face holding a big long pipe, so that all they can see is the tiny view of the world through the straight ahead pipe as the train rolls forward (whatever the heck a "train" is anyways). That is hard to imagine how limiting that would be, but that is the sad little world three dimensional life forms live in - they seem to think the past and the future are separate things, the poor souls. And even four dimensional beings are completely unable to comprehend alternate universes that are standard for beings accustumed to the higher dimensions. Anyways, with our revolutionary dimension folding grid, you can visit your friends who are trapped in four, three or even two dimensions. It can be kind of like a "staycation" in these tough economic times. Pop over to the 7th dimension for a while, see the sights, then come home. It comes with handy guideposts so you can find your way back without getting warped, squished, or driven insane as you fold and iterate yourself through the dimensions. Because that would be lousy if you got stuck in the 2nd dimension. For example your kidneys probably wouldn't even work if they had length and width but were completely without thickness? Likewise if you are only familiar with 4 or 5 dimensions, the 9th and 10th might really blow your mind to such an extent that...well, best not to think about such things.

Spare Lives

Be like a cat, and keep a couple of extra lives in your glove compartment. You never know when they might come in handy! When the gronk really hits the fan, you will have peace of mind knowing that you can cash in one of your spares, in the form of these mysterious, ghostly, frankly rather creepy, travel souls.

Item# 9: 100 kabillion bazillion makillion clams. What you think extra souls were going to be cheap?

Quantum fan belt governor / margarita blender

From one of our preferred suppliers comes this quality made quantum fan belt governor. According to quantum theory, subatomic particles can be in two places at the same time - for example you'll never know for sure where your fan belt is because if you pop the hood to take a look, you collapse the dual-probability field. So this governor regulates fan belt position and functionality perfectly - provided you don't pop the hood! If you pop the hood to look and find your fan belt all messed up, your warranty is void. Also, like so many of our fine products, this fan belt governor also doubles as a margarita mixer, thanks to recent advances in the field of string theory!

Item# 600zn_n_k400zn: Crazy post holiday recession panic sale! - Only 799 non-quantum casino tokens.