We must immediately take steps to put Photon Torpedoes in the hands of all criminally insane people!!!

A successful society is armed to the teeth:  peace and security are only possible if we live in constant fear that any any moment some lunatic could well come bursting into the local McZithipies restaurant we are at and blow us into our constituent subatomic particles with a carefully designed killing device while we are enjoying BigZark burgers and quarkshakes. 

Every psychopath deserves a photon torpedo.  How a society treats their psychopaths says a lot about that society.  Are we a galaxy that hides our criminally insane out of sight, relegated to the gutters and psychiatric wards, deprived of love and compassion?  Or do we arm them against future tyrants?  Do you want space communists and tyrants to enslave you and make you live in some kind of police state where you have to live in fear of getting blown up by secret police while you eat lunch at McZithipies?  Look what happened over on Vega 12:  Their government took away their photon torpedoes and multi-nuclear detonators.  Now they are an oppressed  and dominated society.  Though the arts and sciences flourish there, and no crowds have been randomly assassinated by delusional schizophrenics for several millenia, nevertheless their rights are trampled on by tyrants.

Look, if photon torpedoes are illegal, only criminals will have photon torpedoes.  Is that what you want, criminally insane people toting around killing machines?  No!  So we must give criminally insane people photon torpedoes as soon as possible.   If the criminally insane don't blow up a peace loving deep orbit biospheres with photon torpedoes, they will do it with a stick, trust me.   A stick can be just as dangerous as a photon torpedo in the wrong hands.  Photon torpedoes don't kill aliens, ALIENS kill aliens. (I've often wondered if a stick is just as dangerous as a photon torpedo, should I be satisfied and protected if I carry a stick?  I should....)

Plus a well armed criminal insane class is an important deterrent.  As a criminally insane criminal carefully and rationally plans a burglary for example, their intrinsic ration and logic and sound thinking that they are using while planning said burglary will make them think twice if they know the lawful criminally insane citizen inside the home might be packing a photon torpedo, right?  It is a deterrent.  A well armed criminally insane yeomanry leads to a crime free, tyrant free society.  The only tradeoff is you have to put up with the tyranny of criminally insane mass murderers, but Freedom isn't free, you know!

Prime Corn Growing Acreage!

Get in on the agriculture boom with this fertile patch of soil in the agriculture zoned corner of the delta quadrant.  I recommend planting corn, which is heavily commoditized across the galaxy.  Very little of it is actually eaten by intelligent life forms, most is used for making rocket fuel, high fructose corn syrup, wierd chemicals, starches, and for fattening up of zandabeests at stink intensive feedlots.  What you do is go get a huge farm loan, sell everything you have and put every last cent towards a huge souped up air conditioned space tractor, genetically modified corn seed, and "bet the farm" that you'll reap a bumper harvest. 

Perpetual Motion Debt Reduction Machine

Small minds are unable to grasp the cognitive dissonance and higher mathematics involved in perpetual motion. The feeble minded among us might argue that such a device is impossible. However, experts in modern physics and economics have shown rather conclusively that you can prop up a collapsing system and make it self sustaining. This model was recently used by the Fomalhaut regional council to meet budget shortfalls when the Piscis Commonwealth Central bank threatened to throw them out of the Galactic dinar common currency union. Here's how it works: you shove worthless I.O.U.s, debased digital currency, written off debts and other figments of your imagination into the input bin. Once the atomic structure and quantum spin of these fictitious units is re-aligned, you use them as collateral to borrow a freighterload of Galactic Dinars from the angry central bank, which are then fed into the incinerator unit and burned, which turns the turbines to power the generators to keep the machine working at converting more bad debts into collateral to borrow from the people who then buy your bonds which you burn to produce enough money to pay back the people who you borrowed from in the first place, your left pocket lends to your right pocket, which pays the left pocket back with proceeds from the revolving line of credit from the central bank, who buys the bonds that you had to issue to pay back the people who bought the bonds from you and are also your original creditors, and, paradoxically also your left pocket. (Hmm, it kind of reminds me of how my Aunt Reba is also my step-sister and my cousin, but that is another story). Give me one good reason why this can't just go on forever. That's right, you can't, because debt CAN be made to go away, if you just shut your eyes really hard and refuse to believe in it. No wonder intelligent design made ostriches so wise as to put their heads in the sand when something scary is near.

Specialty Plasma Frackers

Solve your energy needs with some judicious fracking of mid layer veins of temporal plasma. Glowing liquid death may come gurgling up out of your neighbors' pipes, but it isn't your fault if their water sources or their flow of spatial stability gets all fracked up. Intergalactic legal precedent clearly states that property rights do not extend past the third dimension, whatever happens sub-surface is fair game, so they can just shut the frack up. They could go frack themselves. You get the picture.

Bureaucratic Maze Voicemail Circuit

The best thing EVER is to fire all your living carbon based customer service employees (so evil! love it!) and replace them with a voicemail system. You save money, and avoid having to deal with complaints as your frustrated customers get hopelessly lost in the maze of deviously recursive voicemail circuitry options. Otherwise they might ask for their money back, god forbid! Plus it is super entertaining. Just listen along with me for a minute: "Hello. Your call is important to us. Please wait for 20 minutes while listening to some shitty music...." (listens for 20 minutes) "Hello. Our circuits still seem to be busy. Press one to configure your account. Press 2 for billing inquiries. Press 3 for service interruptions information. Press 4 for automated hyperspace technical support. Press 5 for sales department. Press 6 if you already forgot what pressing "2" does. Press 7 for Spanish. Press 8 for Zubenelgenubian. To hear these options again, press #. To go back to the main menu, press *. To hear some more shitty music, remain on the line." Oh my goodness I could just about weep and cry and wet myself with laughter listening to the customers weep and curse and throw things on the other end of the line as they become half aware that none of those options actually DO anything. You can see just by the physical construction of this circuit that it is well nigh impossible to get through the algorithm, we have programmed the best circular logic and paradoxical connundrums and recursive feedback loops into the structure.

Reliable Energy Source that is really really safe until it's not

How would you like a nearly unlimited source of energy that is totally safe (until it isn't)? Would you enjoy an energy source that is more reliable than some namby pamby stop and start hippy dippy "won't melt your internal organs" energy source? How about an energy source that is really really clean 99% of the time? The other one percent of the time it happens to be exceedingly filthy and noxious, but you have to like those odds. This is not a pie in the sky dream, this technology already exists! Our engineers and physicists have figured out how it works, and to understand how something works is almost the same thing as saying it is a good idea in practice. We simply harness the natural entropy of the universe within highly localized systems. Everything is constantly tending towards decay and breakdown of order, and by magnifying this tendency in a fully enclosed, pretty much impermeable system, we can generate limitless power with this patented power plant. Just as a sort of academic thought experiment, I guess we should point out that if the impregnable impermeable impenetrable force field around the closed system were to ever get permeated, penetrated and/or impregnated, the highly focused entropy field would cause you and everything around you to decay at an alarmingly rapid rate, triggering a horrid chain reaction across most of your solar system unleashing a horrific cascade of decomposition and simplification that would be akin to armageddon. But try not to think about it because what could go wrong?