Perpetual Motion Debt Reduction Machine

Small minds are unable to grasp the cognitive dissonance and higher mathematics involved in perpetual motion. The feeble minded among us might argue that such a device is impossible. However, experts in modern physics and economics have shown rather conclusively that you can prop up a collapsing system and make it self sustaining. This model was recently used by the Fomalhaut regional council to meet budget shortfalls when the Piscis Commonwealth Central bank threatened to throw them out of the Galactic dinar common currency union. Here's how it works: you shove worthless I.O.U.s, debased digital currency, written off debts and other figments of your imagination into the input bin. Once the atomic structure and quantum spin of these fictitious units is re-aligned, you use them as collateral to borrow a freighterload of Galactic Dinars from the angry central bank, which are then fed into the incinerator unit and burned, which turns the turbines to power the generators to keep the machine working at converting more bad debts into collateral to borrow from the people who then buy your bonds which you burn to produce enough money to pay back the people who you borrowed from in the first place, your left pocket lends to your right pocket, which pays the left pocket back with proceeds from the revolving line of credit from the central bank, who buys the bonds that you had to issue to pay back the people who bought the bonds from you and are also your original creditors, and, paradoxically also your left pocket. (Hmm, it kind of reminds me of how my Aunt Reba is also my step-sister and my cousin, but that is another story). Give me one good reason why this can't just go on forever. That's right, you can't, because debt CAN be made to go away, if you just shut your eyes really hard and refuse to believe in it. No wonder intelligent design made ostriches so wise as to put their heads in the sand when something scary is near.

Cold Fusion Oxygen Harvesting Giant Robot

Let's face it, although cold fusion is sometimes criticized by foo-foo hippy types, we are all dependent on it as an energy source. Yes, I feel terrible and lose sleep at night that we are strip mining oxygen from low income planets and fusing the atoms together in an improbable but lucrative self sustaining perpetual energy generating cycle in blatant violation of the laws of thermodynamics, but on the other hand I like to go really fast in my gigantic spaceship! During the election last century, I was in the front row with the rest of the true believers, chanting: "Fuse, baby, fuse! Fuse, baby, fuse!"

However, in a totally unexpected and surprising turnaround, it turns out cold fusion on a wide scale can lead to some very bad things. When that giant tower robot went beserk and inhaled an entire solar system over in Pegasus 12, causing several emerging civilizations to implode upon themselves and degenerate into a quiverring, pulsating black hole shooting enormous gamma ray lasers out into space, we were all devastated. Who would have guessed something like that could happen?

The upside is that we are now selling some of the giant oxygen fusion robots on the cheap. We are pretty sure we have leveraged our extensive work in underprivledged robot philanthropy to fix the bug that sometimes leads to catastrophic planetary obliteration.

Perpetual Motion Kinetic Windshield Wiper Motor Flywheel

You had better be sure you want the wipers on before you start this, because it goes for ever, thus making a mockery of the stupid laws of thermodynamics.

Item#666: 666 Mega-Florins