Devious Stock Market Robots

Get a jump on the competition.  These state of the art trading robots wait until some sucker pushes the "buy" or "sell" button, then it goes back in time a few milliseconds, front runs the order, and pockets the difference.  Not only is this totally legal, it is endorsed by the galactic financial regulators, presumably as a special favor to the high frequency time travel algorithm robot lobby.

"Open the pod bay doors Hal..."

[bear with us for a second here, just want to test a marketing technique:  every time we use the words "weight loss" we generate 400% more interweb traffic.  lets see if it works this time!]

Ary You Angry? Vote for Grom the Eviscerator!

Are you mad as hell? I am. I'm mad as hell! Not quite sure why, but I'm angry and I'm not going to take it any more. I'm tired of seeing my rights trampled. Which rights? Who the heck knows, but I hate seeing them trampled by tyrrany! I'm angry! I said I'm angry! Well we don't have to take it any more. Please join me in voting for Grom the Eviscerator (markXXIV) to represent Gamma sector district 12 in the galactic senate. Unlike organic life forms, Grom the Eviscerator knows how to cut taxes. Grom cuts well. He cuts VERY well. He is against government interference in our lives. He ain't into all them regulations, he just digs a damn trench wherever he feels like it. He doesn't think for himself, he is a ruthless, soulless automaton who pursues his vague, one dimensional agenda with dogged single minded determination. His valuable business experience will help him bring a folksy, common sense approach to running the government as if it were strip mine. Let's take back our rights by bowing down before Grom the mighty - before tyrrany gets totally out of control. Also, Grom may have dabbled with witchcraft in the past, and that business with the performance enhancing high octane substance abuse is all behind him.

-"I am Grom the Eviscerator Mark XXIV, and I approved this message. Grom cut. Grom strip mine. Grom eviscerate. Me Grom. Vote Grom, or DIE, carbon based scum."

Paid for by Aliens for Freedom and Morality.

Help the Poor Unemployed Robots (before they turn into a vengeful psychotic mercenary army)

During this festive season, we sometimes forget those less fortunate than ourselves. Take time this holiday to help the poor unemployed robots. Idle circuits are the devil's tool, and we all know what happens when unscrupulous power brokers hire out the services of angry mercenary droids! Look what happened to the daleks after the big xenon mining bubble burst several millenia ago. That's why we at Crazy Moppo's are donating 15 Zorwips out of every Tunklar to the Unemployed Robots Relief fund, which helps down on their luck robots retrain, get new skills, to stay relevant in today's intergalactic economy. As a recognized leader in philanthropy and solid, responsible galactic citizens, it is the least we could do. Merry Ixtmess, happy huftuker, and Jolly Kwaanza, wherever your travels may take you!