Obsolete Extractor Gadget

Damn, we really had a good thing going for a while there. Unfortunately, this extractor is now nearly useless, following recent legislation. Previously, it was a gold mine, since upon installation in the medical department of a spacecraft, it allowed us to extract obscene amounts of money out of healthy passengers and crew members, and we didn't have to provide ANY goods or services in return! It was great. We extracted ever increasing amounts, and provided ever decreasing amounts of illusory services. If someone got ill, we just told them to go take a flying leap at a black hole and then we laughed all the way to the bank. An amusing side effect was the ironic pain and anxiety this supposedly medical device inflicted on people - it was kind of entertaining to watch, actually. But anyway, now this gadget is simply another antiquated victim of galactic socialism, and so we will sell it to you for a crazy, crazy low price. Our craziness is practically a pre-existing condition, and now we can even receive mental help, and all of you are going to suffer because of it, when we come to our senses and start raising prices. Just you wait, you'll be sorry. Life is so UNFAIR.

If it's broke, fix it! - Space Gimlet contraption

So your onboard space gimlet mixer doesn't work that well at all. In fact, you just about go broke and experience kidney failure whenever you try to use it while some jackass in the next star system gets rich and also files a frivolous lawsuit. do you get all indignant and quasi-religious in an ill-defined sort of way without even being sure why you're upset when someone proposes fixing it? No, of course not! In our local Zubenelgenubian dialect we have an expression for such people: We call them "stupid assholes." If it doesn't work, fix it, don't just loolygag around getting screwed by the status quo! Buy this expert Space Gimlet mixing contraption.

What? Don't read too much into our advertisement, we are only talking about Space Gimlet mixers. Not everything has some hidden subtext or metaphor in it.

SPECIAL! Deep Space Freighter!

We don't usually deal in vehicles themselves - being parts specialists - but some opportunities are simply too good to pass up! Recent troubles at some of the intergalactic bulk freight lines have resulted in the liquidation of certain heavy freight carriers, and since our cousin's cousin's ex-roommate's uncle's hairdresser alerted us to the special instantaneous bankruptcy auction of GronkLines Freight Service, we pounced! Move your cargo in style!

Item# WTF-LOL-4u2: 160 Trillion Kazillion Galactic dinars, FIRM

Secure Home for your Space Monkey Friend

This custom built space monkey cage provides a safe, secure, and comfortable home for your special space monkey friend. Never have them getting in your tentacles again while you try to navigate an asteroid field!

***Insane Low Price Alert!!***

Only 7.00 Galactic dinars. Financing available!

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Analog Landing Gear apparatus - fits most Zubenelgenubian models - LIKE NEW!!

They don't make them like this anymore! This slightly old fashioned landing gear apparatus contains actual solid ferrous alloys, not flimsy holozine alloys. And for only 379,999 Altairan credits you'd have to be CRAZY not to add this to your Zubenelgenubian fixer-upper rig!

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